Warning: Some terse language, but nothing that isn't allowed on TV.

I feel trapped. I’m going to be having my first child, a daughter, in a few short months and like many other parents I want to introduce her to things that interest me, be it movies, music or, in my case, comics. I don’t want her to feel limited, the way I did, while growing up because she is a girl and should only do girl things. My mother and father were excellent at supporting my interests and it wasn’t them I felt isolated by but by everyone else. I liked playing softball, running around and playing with LEGOs as a child as much as I enjoyed my Barbies and paper dolls. I liked doing these things not because of my sex, but because I had fun and got to play with people I enjoyed being around.

This idea that girls, pink, are only supposed to like one thing, while boys, blue, get to like another based solely on what is between their legs is not new, but it is depressing how prevalent it still is. Even when you go toy shopping the divide is clearly labeled by color what isle you belong in. Boys get superhero toys, things that help hand-eye coordination (LEGOs, etc.), and even toys that show them how to use tools while girls get baby dolls, Barbies that showcase breasts and legs over anything else, and fake supermarket carts with plastic food. If a child really wants to pretend to go shopping for groceries I have absolutely no problem with that. What I do find fault in is when she is advertised at, and market to as if that is the only possibility for her because of her sex.

On the other side, I do realize that this happens for boys too, and I’m saddened when I hear women imply they don’t have a right to complain because boys have it easier. They are bombarded with just as many advertising stereotypes as girls are, they get made fun of for having dolls, not enjoying football or wanting to grow up to be just like daddy. I think progress needs to be made on both sides, but I doubt that will ever actually happen. They are told from a very young age to be a good person of quality you have to be strong and handsome, or have a beautiful face, long hair and large breasts to be happy. This is everywhere, and what is horrible is I see this more in things intended for children than I do for adults.

Let’s look at programming for instance. It isn’t perfect but for older audiences we have a myriad of shows that show women in a positive, non-overly sexed way. Women in popular shows like Castle, House, Grey’s Anatomy, and hell, even shows like Two Broke Girls do a better job of showing women as diverse people that aren’t defined by their “endowments”. Bernadette, Amy and Penny from The Big Bang Theory are also great examples of smart, independent women who are capable in their various ways but are so different from each other. They aren’t stereotypes or caricatures of women, they are more “real” than what you see in many of the cartoons gracing the airwaves of Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network or any other network. Even the shows that come on early Saturday mornings on CBS, ABC and FOX are pretty terrible in their representation of boys and girls. They are one long commercial after the other with no regard to how they affect the children watching.

Perhaps things haven’t aged well, but I have always been crazy over cartoons, and I still am. I loved watching Chowder, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Invader Zim, Animaniacs and many others through my life and when I find a children’s show that handles the characters well I get incredibly excited over it. Most of these shows had a plot, had characters with substance, and were enjoyable to me because they didn’t make me feel isolated. I had characters I could identify with. Gaz loved videogames, wasn’t interested in being girly and handled herself well, and I could see myself with some of those traits and Katara was incredibly strong and competent, though human and made mistakes she learned from. With a few exceptions I hate the random crazy, stupidity of shows like Sponge Bob Square Pants, and Adventure Time. The later fails exceptionally because they are very inorganic and forced with their show’s “quirk”. But I will still give them credit, Princess Bubblegum (I think that’s her name) and Sandy are two girls who are smart and are a positive example for any girls that watch the show.

But then we have shows that lack terribly for girls. Even if they are presented as strong, many female characters that should be capable still have to be rescued. They often have any shining moment stolen away because the pretty much always lead male character has to swoop in and save their lives. This takes the potential that existed within those female characters and cheapens it significantly. It reinforces the idea that no matter how skilled you become, you still can’t do what a boy/man can. I wouldn’t mind so much that this happens if there were alternatives for girls. How many shows, comparatively, exist with a female lead versus male? How many have girls that don’t fall into the stereotype of strong=bitchy? I have very slim pickings for my daughter, but hopefully when she gets old enough to watch TV I’ll have more options.

“It isn’t a big deal.” When I hear this I can’t help but wonder if they’ve ever watched these shows. These are your daughters and sons, and they are bombarded with messages that shape their self worth and character. Parents aren’t the only source for this so it is important to expect more from what you show your children. It is not okay to just sit back and let your child channel surf without even watching one episode of what they love. It is called taking an interest. Watch these programs and see if you don’t notice that many female characters with a brain also come with a rather terse, confrontational, “bitchy” attitude. How often do you see a male character act like a complete ass to others and then is rewarded or treated with a “he’s so cool” regard? How often do you see a character act according to what they like (such as being more effeminate if male or masculine if female) and are they berated for it? I see these things.

I see them in Barbies and Bratz and other toys for girls that show them dressed like cheap hookers and presented as “what girls should be” without many, if any, alternatives. I know there are Doctor, Vet and Teacher Barbies but what about Police Officer Barbie, Detective Barbie, or even Commander Barbie? How advertised are they? If they do exist are they only the collector Barbies, even meant to be played with? Is the idea of a woman being in a position of power so absurd that we can’t even make these toys? Are the only popular options shoved down a little girl’s throat to look like a whore or be an outcast? Many of these toys now come with DVDs that correspond with the type of adventure a young girl is supposed to emulate with the product. Most end in the phrase “Let’s go shopping” or “we can all be princesses”. Why are these the two most popular options? Why did there even have to be a freakin’ DVD in the first place? What happened to imagination or open-ended play? As a child my Barbies were mountain climbers, or just didn’t have an occupation. I acted out stories I wrote in my head between the dolls, but being very young I doubt they were all that great, but I still played and put them in the roles I wanted them in.

And what about comics? I used to love comics as a child. I have several issues of X-Men, Batman and many others and never really minded how the women looked. The fact they had breasts as big as their heads didn’t matter to me because they were still strong women who knew how to fight, and be good people. They had a strong sense of justice and stood up for it, regardless of what they got in return. They were well developed, well rounded characters (no, that was not meant to be a pun or cute or anything) so I could ignore the character design. The problem is when you have female characters in comics that are only there as eye candy, and serve no other purpose.

It is for this reason I’m very disappointed in the new Starfire, but I’m also angry and befuddled at the idea that her past as a sex slave is somehow why she enjoys sex. I know she isn’t human, and therefore not likely to experience things the same way, but that doesn’t mean she’s incapable of feeling the torment and pain of being forced into that kind of role. It makes me think the writer didn’t do any research in regard to what happens to people when they are in that position. I really think it makes light of the victim’s situation and plays into the idea that women love penises, regardless of whose it is. Just give them enough and they’re come to love it? In what universe is this likely? Certainly not this one. This new design is harmful. The writer had such a great opportunity, but squandered it away. The reasons? I have no idea. It just seems like he was too lazy to put in the effort to write a decent character.

As a female comic book artist I look at these images and can’t help but feel tremendously offended. I can draw and write characters that have depth, that have a reason for the things they do, that have a back story that makes sense. I do my research and have very detailed psychological profiles of all my characters. I see this lack of ability and it makes me so mad. I’m not the only writer that does this, yet you don’t see our work in the mainstream. I haven’t been able to dedicate as much time as I like, and this is a large contributor, but many others put all of themselves in their work and don’t even get a proper rejection letter because the publishers just can’t be bothered. This is one of the biggest failures of the industry and it needs to stop. Stop rewarding these terrible writers, and take a chance on someone who’s worth it.

Am I being overly sensitive? How would you know? Most of you who read this have probably never felt what it was like to enjoy things meant for boys, and being looked at like a freak. Most of you didn’t grow up the way I did. I rarely wore makeup or very feminine clothing and was often told that I was inferior, undateable, or ugly for it. My mother once told me, innocently (I know for a fact she didn’t mean to hurt me), that I looked ugly when I cried. I didn’t know how to take this other than if I showed emotion, that I was hurt, that I meant less because as a child I was always told to count I had to be beautiful. I typically don’t feel that way anymore, but every now and then I still often feel inferior for my lack of femininity. Twice in my years with my husband I have felt like he was wasting his time with me because I wasn’t what other women are. I don’t get my nails done, I shop for books and not shoes, I don’t dress in skirts or lovely blouses, and I never subscribed to the notion that my only goal in life was to be a wife and mother. I am only me, and that is all I can offer him. I can offer him my loyalty and devotion, my love and take care of him the best way I can, but because I’m not “pretty” I still occasionally feel like I fail him. This is what years of commercial reinforcement has done to me, and other women who don’t fall into that stereotypical cutout. We are influenced to feel worthless if we aren’t pretty, or feminine, or if we don’t define our lives around having children. I am not taking issue with the women who are truly happy in this role, it is their choice and I want only for their happiness, I am ecstatic about becoming a mother myself, but the rest shouldn’t have to suffer for choosing a different route.

I can talk to my husband, and I know he loves me for every part of who I am, and because of this I feel beautiful in my own way. I may never grace the cover of a magazine, but the one person who’s opinion I care about finds me to be a wonderful, beautiful person and that means more to me than any random person sizing up my worth based off of my breasts, butt, and clothing.

He is a wonderful example of what I would define as a true man. He doesn’t like sports, but knows how to build things. He doesn’t become “overly emotional”, but he shares with me when he wants to. He judges people based off of their actions and who they are rather than what they look like. I understand that many men often develop different than him, and it is honestly for reasons that correlate well with what girls get. He is exactly who he is because of his personality, not sex.

A great example of this correlation is the show How to be a Gentlemen. They took the two extremes of what people consider men and basically have them fight it out, figuratively of course. And more often than not the “masculine” wins. This is what seems to happen most when you have a situation like this. Even if the more feminine man should win you can bet he is made fun of and criticized for it long before he even has a chance. Men are constantly berated for showing their emotions, not watching football, or not treating women like objects. Look at all the images of men being “pimps” and calling all women bitches. This is what is glorified and we wonder why things are still the way they are? I’m in no way saying women or men separately are responsible but change needs to come from both sides. If we want men to respect us more than I think it would be helpful if the good, decent men aren’t alienated, or looked down upon but celebrated for the wonderful guys they are. We can’t make fun of “mannies” or “murses” and expect true workplace equality. If we strait girls want the good men, we should probably stop participating and perpetuating the idea that obnoxious, misogynistic jerk=desirable. Nice guys are fewer, but very much worth it.

I’m not trying to claim that any one sex has it harder. I can’t know that for sure since I’m a woman, I will always identify myself as such and I have no desire for a sex change so I can’t actually experience what it is like to be a man. What I want is for people to expect more from what they buy and watch because what our children learn isn’t just from parents, it is all around us. We don’t have to ban anything. The writers/creators of shows and products just need to show a little more integrity. I can write books for my daughter, but that’s about it. I can’t make TV shows that will inspire her to be a better person, I lack the resources, so I expect those that can to have the self respect enough to put forth the effort to make it better. I was raised to do the best you can in what you do, because otherwise what is the point?

So as a future mother what am I to do? How am I supposed to defend against the overwhelming amount of terrible influences that are going to bombard her? I can only do the best I can and hope that someone else doesn’t make her feel inferior, or that if she’s intelligent it doesn’t matter because she’s “not as smart as a man”. I am making the choice to limit the amount of pink, and “for girls only” items in her life. However, if she wants a Barbie doll, just because she really wants it and not because all her friends do, or because the TV said she had to have one, than that is fine. If she likes pink because she likes it and wants her room that color, that is fine. Honesty, I would love it if she was a scientist, or even a non-crazy female politician, but if she wants to be a house wife, or something of that nature I would still love her, cherish her and hope for nothing but her happiness because what I want her to be more than anything else is exactly who she is, and not what everyone tells her she should be.

Thank you for reading, Ally B.

My speech is about Japanese Cooking history. I researched about ohashi, bentou, kyuusu, tokkuri, and gohan (for this speech).

First, ohashi were brought to Japan from China in 500 AD. When they first appeared they were largely used by the nobility and made from bamboo. They are traditionally made of ivory, but now made from wood. Japanese eating ohashi are not made from metal since those are used in funeral services. Waribashi are disposable ohashi. They were introduced during the Meiji era. There are several types of waribashi, Koban, Genroku, Take, Maru and Rikyuu. Rikyuu were invented by Sen No Rikyuu, founder of the Chanoyu during the Edo period. The Rikyuu are largely used for sweets. Maru are used for special occasions such as festivals. Today there is a large tax on waribashi imported from China due to deforestation.

Bentou are said to originate in the 5th Century and made popular in the 16th by Nobunaga. Bentou were traditionally used by fishermen and hunters (among others) for meals during work. They consisted of rice, or rice mixed with potatoes or millet. Bentou boxes were originally leaves from oak, magnolia or bamboo. During the Edo period people began to bring bentou to social events. Most of these were Makunouchi bentou, small rice balls sprinkled with sesame seeds and a few side dishes. Many varieties of boxes were designed. Hangetsu, half moon, was invented by Sen No Rikyuu. Chabako, tea box, was used during tea ceremonies, Shokado was inspired by monk Shokado Shojo. The Shokado bentou are divided into four compartments, like his ink trays. During the Meiji era bentou became more popular . In 1885 eikiben were created to go with the new train system. Ekiben consisted of rice balls with umeboshi. Now they are used by many people and in restaurants as take out. There are 2-3 thousand different varieties. Many high class restaurants use bentou to serve Kaiseki Ryori, very high class food.

Now, there are two different types of teapots commonly used. Dobin is the largest and has a bamboo handle. Kyuusu are the second type. Kyuusu are used for sencha tea and were imported to Japan from China in the 17th century. They have a screen to keep the tea leaves in the pot. In the Kyuusu type there are three types. Tokonameware kyuusu are high quality pots made from terracotta. Yokode kyuusu are teapots with the handle on the side. Ushirode kyuusu have the handle in the back. Sake jugs are called Tokkuri and are used instead of the bottle. Sake was created out of rice for important ceremonies and today is often used to celebrate special occasions.

Rice was imported from China in the 2nd Century BC. Common rice used in Japan are Uruchimai and Genmai. Uruchimai developed in Japan as short grained rice. Genmai is less refined and can be used to make tea and noodles. Between the 8th and 12th centuries rice was established as a staple and eaten largely by the nobility. In the 13th century it was eaten by everyone. Evidence of rice cooking methods can be found as early as 500 BC.

Many different countries, such as China, have influence Japan's Cuisine. Therefore I find Japanese Culinary History very interesting.

Friday afternoon my husband, father in law, mother in law and I departed from my adopted hometown for a week long vacation. We were headed to Kansas first to see my mother in law's family. We passed through Eureka, St. Louis, Champagne, and many small towns like Pocahontas, who's claim to fame is an old mine. The first day was spent looking out the back passenger side window at the trees and hills, the likes I've not seen since I was a child moving across the country. Looking out at the sediment rocks carved for roadways brought to mind the many long trips my family took to find home after home. We got a room at a small hotel, the outside deceptive of the remodeled beauty of the rooms.

The next day after passing through Eldorado and Nevada I had my first taste of Sonic in the form of a chili cheese dog, those of you who remember the original Sonic cartoon will understand. I tried to let my mind remain as clear as possible. I would not let myself dwell on everything that's been stressing me out the past few months. My progress has been slow, but the persistence of some of my anxieties and depression triggers were trying their best to steal my attention away from the beauty flying past my window. Not too long after lunch we arrived in Iola, Kansas.

The reunion was hot and a bit humid. I met many people; I even got a cowboy hat tip from one of Joey’s uncles! I spent most of the time with Joey playing that tee peg game and walking by the lake. It wasn't as romantic as I wanted because I had to watch for a lot of duck and goose poop. The next day was the second half luncheon, over half the people from the night before weren't there. Joey left with his father and uncle to go golfing, leaving me alone with his mother and a bunch of people I didn't know. Luckily there were a lot of nice women there who weren’t shy about starting up a conversation. Unfortunately I was on nerve so much I felt like I was having a panic attack through most of it. But I think I can hide these things well enough.

We stayed at a relative's house, untouched by the floods that had just happened a few weeks before. I got sick one of the days because of the time difference. I'm used to eating lunch at noon and supper between five thirty and six thirty, but because my new uncle, father in law and husband had been golfing all afternoon we didn't eat until about nine. I was so weak and shaky, and since I was raised to be the best guest I can I was too polite to ask about a snack. We had steak marinated in something sweet, a baked potato and fresh, farm picked corn. I took one bite of the sweet steak and I wanted to vomit, my stomach was too empty for something sweet. I regret that I couldn't eat my steak; it was cooked exactly how I like it and the sauce was great. I ate the mild starches and finished off my meal upstairs in a spare bedroom eating Wheat Thins and watching the ceiling spin.

My mother in law, aunt (in law? I think that's how you say it), and I went through a lot of the towns that were hit by the flood, aside from I think it was Coffeeville. Apparently one of the oil wells wasn't shut off when the water came and so the town was covered in sewage and oil now. Many areas were still off limits and the reservoir was incredibly high. We went through a small subdivision where most of the houses had been condemned or torn down due to the damage. My aunt's former home was one of the ones now completely missing. A stop at the Russell Stover factory and outlet store rounded off our evening. I bought my family about nineteen dollars in sweets, most spent on my father's sugar-free chocolates.

A few more visits to relatives concluded my time in Iola, Kansas. On Wednesday we headed out for Okeene, Oklahoma. Oklahoma is a strange state to anyone not familiar with it. We passed swimming holes and ponds with red water, I thought at first that there was so much that the soil must be imbalanced with some weird mineral combination but wheat, hey, corn and cows seemed not to mind.

Now to say that it was hot is an incredible understatement. I had a terrible headache almost the entire time I was there but it was so interesting to drive up and down the farmlands, large patches of hey and wheat covered fields much different than I'm used to, and see where relatives used to live. Joey's grandfather had cattle on his farm, along with tomatoes, okra and a pear tree. The house was old, but full of so much history. The man of the house walked from room to room telling me and my mother in law stories of tornadoes, farming and traffic accidents due to wild sunflowers and overgrown weeds. A flood had happened in Okeene too, even reaching near the Grandpa Boeckman's house.

We visited more aunts and uncles, including one that shares facial features with Gary Senese, and even went bowling. The bowling alley was old and the only attraction for several towns so small if you blinked you’d miss them, but it had some really good food.

We visited a beautiful golf course in Watonga, Roman Nose national park. The view was incredible and there was an almost constant cooling breeze making the heat bearable. Fairview golf course was not as impressive but it was still nice, I saw quail!

Our trip was nearing its end on Saturday. We left Okeene for Inola to stay the night with relatives again. I met another aunt and uncle and played Skip-Bo, a game I haven't seen in more than seven years.

On Sunday I realized for the first time that Indiana is my home. We drove around to my immediate family dropping off gifts of chocolate and wind catchers before returning to our apartment. The trip was incredibly stressful due to meeting new people and being un-prepared for it mentally and emotionally I was glad to be home, but I still had a lot of fun and enjoyed spending time with my new extended family.

This is just a random rant of things that have been making my blood boil lately. I'm so tired of the loli anime, or moe as it's now being called. Shows like Moetan make me...nauseous. I've never been a fan of fan-service either, because it's a cheap gimmick that is used to make up for quality character designs and a wonderful plot line shows like that lack. They distract people from how horrible the show and concepts are by flashing them with panty shots and breasts so un-proportional that they'd cause back problems and have major sagging issues in the future.

When I think of shows like Moetan I think of only one thing: pedophile. I'm not saying that people who like the show or watch that genre are but when I see, essentially, children with their skirts flying over their heads and trying to act cute about it the only people I can think of who would like that sort of thing would be creeps who have a sick penchant for children.

Now there is a show called Azumanga Daioh that is being thrown into that mix and I do like that one. I find it to be funny, and charming, and if you notice there is a drought of panty shots and such in comparison to other shows in that new genre. I like it for the same reasons I like Yotsuba & (from the same guy): it's funny, simple, and clean.

Well, that’s it for now.

It's kinda funny. I'm supposed to have 10 pages of poetry for class written by the end of the semester and I already have 8! :-).

Death of god

My feet were aching
as I saw you approach
You were beautiful.
Syllables erupted from some
indescribable part of my
center, but stifled 
by fear and
propriety, my lips
refused to form.

We loved ever since. 
The perfection manifested
Many times into
sublime beauty,
a last breath to confess. 

The fire that escapes
my being burns nerves
now dead from the heat.
I love it, this wonderful being.
I don’t know if he 
looks like you,
you are beautiful.
But my vision is gone
and I can no longer
hear your words.

Quality Time

She looks up at me,
Through my eyes,
Through my bangs,
And with my lips says
She loves me.

He stares down at me,
I try to share his breath.
I press my ear to his chest,
To hear the hollow beating.

This unfathomable creature
Sitting on my lap
Is so small I can 
Almost not feel her.

He changes the channel
As I let the book slide
From my tiny
Insignificant
Hands.

Ok, just so everyone knows Death of god is a reference to the Japanese creation myth (found in Kojiki most recently for me) when Izanami (I think, its the female god) dies during the birth of her son.

Idiom

"The needle that breaks
Will be take out of the
Cushion" Mother says while
She places before me
Blackberries in juice
As the wind licks the
Shingles off the roof.
The clouds are gone 
From the howling voice
That bellows its protestations.

Regarding William

Minute are the differences between us
The world that separates us
 Is barren of life,
Nothing could ever live there.
Smolder in your ideals while
Preaching.
The choir is deaf that supports you
Absence of penis or a 
Wealth of melanin scares you 
Into a rant.
I am content to watch you
Twist in the wind.

Guardian

I ruined your dress,
I'm sorry.
Its beautiful crimson matched your
Perfect lips and the curl of your hair.
Now it is torn and soiled
From our long trek in filth.

You don't know who I am.
I don't deserve 
As winged, clear muse
As you.
Watching you dance
And hum to yourself,
So familiar in a place
You've never been, with 
Someone you've just met.

Ok, Guardian is actually a character poem for "In the Eyes of Sinn". A story I'm writing that can be found at www.fictionpress.com.